How is your year ending?

I would like to say that from a non-entity year it is finishing up great..... I think that is what counts. It all seems to have come together, like they say out with the old and in with the new. No more burdens, nothing to figure out, it is all here to take and grab on to and make what I want out of it. It does not have to be specifically anything that has kept me imprisoned. Just something that has weighed me down that I came to terms with. Daydreaming and fantasizing is one of my blessings or should I say faults. Oh I can imagine anything and change it and blow it up or bring it down with negativity or fantasy. I am here now in the moment and the moment is good; new friends, my book taking off, my horrific neighbor who turned himself in by showing his true colors and finally the management seeing the truth, a worry with my sister who had to have tests and came out perfect, friends I have let go of only to discover so many new ones and realizing the fact I can have as many friends as I want to have if time allows. My book has opened up doors for me like I have never seen. When I go to a cocktail party now, I introduce myself as an author and ask if they have heard about my book. People are open and like to listen especially because I keep the introduction on a high note. What I am saying is I am no longer shy;I can meet as many new people as I care to, something I found difficult before. My kids and grand kids are well. My son sent me a generous over the top gift certificate to a spa just because I had a birthday. My ex husband can no longer help me monetarily and felt awkward about it, so I thanked him for all of his years of support and told him I understand. I wish him a good life with no burdens either. Knowing him he will hit it big again and you can be sure he will share. While my old love did not work out, I was able to tell him how special he is; no holding back. Tonight, New Years, I have a great guy to go out with and we know we are going to have a wonderful time. My parents long gone are resting in peace and I love them so much, but I can see how we can let go of our parents. My brother in law has problems and they are big ones. My brother has resolved his.
Last years New years Party was a sad time for me, my spirit was low and I felt lonely. Here I am one year older and I am bouncing. Age means nothing, even at my age.
Happy New Year to all
Carol Sue Gershman

i am finally free

I have freed myself finally by not holding back emotions in fear of being rejected. If I like someone male or female if they are special to me I will let them know it! I am tired of not being up front about my emotional life. I want everyone to know that I love them if I feel that way. It has been a hard thing for me to express, always acting to cover up what I am feeling; like a princess or a queen who has to be looked up. I am not sure if I really know how to love someone or to accept love. This is an amazing Xmas gift I have just given to myself. If the other person does not accept it, that is perfectly fine. I am free!
Merry Xmas 2008
Carol Sue Gershman

I am FREE

I am free because I have not held back. I am playing it straight and can no longer hide any emotion because I am fearful of the reaction. I will flow now as I have always wanted to do but did not know how in fear of rejection. I no longer care about rejection, I only care that I get out my feelings to who ever it is and if they do not like it, need it or want it, well that is o. k. by me. Who knows how much longer any of us have to be connected and if someone is a reward to me in my life, male or female they are going to know it.
Merry Xmas 08..... The year is ending wonderully.
Carol Sue Gershman

On the Radio

I had a blast this morning on the radio. A local show. I laughed my head off talking about my book, but truthfully I did not sell any books. While my book is about a black man and a jewish lady, it really is not about that at all. It is about two great souls that meet on this planet and have uncontrollable passion for one another. It is not even about the road trip, it is just about the time we spent with one another. It is more about what I learned from him and how I changed my views about race and sex and how my driving passion and obsession led me to write my memoir. More later about this.
Carol Sue Gershman

Mish i gosh

I guess we cannnot go backwards or try to salvage love. Once it is over I guess we have to accept that it is. Because of my obsessive personality, I never believe anything is over and the more it is over, the more obsessed I get! Can anyone relate to this mish i gosh? If you do, I would like to hear.
So I met my old lover in N. Y. We were both extremely happy to see one another, especially me, but him too. I got repeated messages from him that same evening to see him but I was already asleep when they came in. He asked me out for the next night but there was an important class I wanted to take and thought a couple of days would not matter. You see as soon as he came around, my independence kicked in. So when a couple of days came around and I thought we would meet, he was busy with a new event in his life. On my final day in N. Y. I had already moved to another location and did not quite feel like running back up town. My dream was to meet him for a romantic dinner. But he was busy at dinner time and would be available after 9. Too late for me I said, so he did not call back.
So after our initial excitement, it kind of died as I was not there for him and he was not there for me. But I left him a gift for the new event in his life and e mailed him to pick it up and that I was sorry we did not catch one another. He never went to pick it up. I sent him a reminder. Go get it now! But not him. The gift sits, I sit, he sits?
Carol Sue Gershman

How can I sell my apartment?

Not only is the market tight but it makes the brokers nasty and un-feeling. Overpriced they say, No thank you, not interested.
This was the same apartment they begged for a year ago. How can one ever figure it out? But that makes me immobile as I do want to move. I have been thinking it but now I am saying it, "Get me out of here" Why? Many reasons. I need a change. I have been in wonderful South Beach for 15 years and now I think it is time to return home. So I will lower the price, but I don't think that is what it is. People are simply not buying or moving now; surely why it must be I want to. I am way ahead of everyone, then again maybe I am way behind; reality has never been my favorite thing.
carol Sue Gershman

woop e doo

The word just came to me because I feel happy. I rented my apt. for two weeks and took off on a free vacation. first stop N. Y. C. where life is brilliantly exciting! I walked out of my building and there was life streaming past me. I did not have to go looking for it. My area is the LIncoln Center area and for me it is the best of N. Y. It has all of the excitement I need and yet there is the peace and sanity of the park and wider, more open streets than I find down town. I saw South Pacific. i know everyone raved and the music is brilliant but there was no comparison to the passion and intensity I felt when I saw Phantom of the Opera the next night. Yes, I saw it 20 years ago, but maybe I was different because back then, I do not remember shaking and teary eyed. It is amazing. I got $27.00 seats all the way back up in the rear balcony but there we could see the stage effects coming right towards us, that chandelier, that phantom, the music; rave, rave, rave.
Then there was the lavish Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters, working for my daughter at the Union Square Xmas booth with a surprise visit that knocked me off of my feet from Xavier, you know him from my book. Wow. I sure do adore that man!
But thats not all; when I returned back to South Beach I stayed in a hotel for 3 nights and ran all over the place, Art Basiling.
Yes, it is all they said it was, parties and art tents all over South Beach and Miami Design District. Did a naughty by crashing a big party. Why not? Did not even eat or drink. Simply was not hungry.
Carol Sue Gershman

I am here, I am here in N. Y.

I have just walked into my beautiful upper west side apt. I sublet it back from my tenant for 10 days, she knew it was the deal.
Such nice doormen and staff welcoming me back making me feel I am back home.

I have just left my South Beach other wonderful LOOKING apt. where my life is a nightmare. A horrific management team sitting and waiting for one false move. Only wonderful Steve at the front desk. The others must have signed an oath never to let a resident do anything that comes close to breaking a rule. Even if you lie dying, if it is not within the rules that day forget it.
Then my horrific nightmare neighbor who keeps me a prisoner blowing smoke into my apartment, dropping weights on the floor, denying it, and throws his dirty water and debris onto my patio when he cleans his; not to mention the 6 months of construction I lived through.

My passion too has been ignited knowing that my ex lover or leave of absence lover is only a few blocks away. Do I try to ignite the passion or just give him a hug?

I am thrilled to be back in New York.

Carol Sue Gershman

The man up stairs

Oh God, I know I did something horrible in my life to get the neighbor I now have. He is a true nightmare, a bastard with no remorse. I have written about him many times; it has been a year and a half of hell. Next to a bad husband, is a bad neighbor, cause you live with them both. I don't have a bad husband, in fact I don't have any husband. I only have a sick, angry, mean, rotten neighbor. He smokes, and it comes to my apt, he lifts weights and drops them on the floor startling me early morning and late night. He sweeps his patio and throws water and his debris onto my patio. He constructed his apt for 6 months and I lived with grueling noise every day. When I tell him (nicely) to stop dropping the weights on the floor he denied that it was him. I ran to his apt. one day frantically as I was expecting a guest and asked him to please stop the construction for 20 minutes. He did but I got a nasty note saying if you ever come into my apt. again unannounced I will have you hauled away for breaking and entering. Mind you his door was wide open when I entered. Unfortunately, I made one mistake, I banged into his car, no not a bad bang just a light touch but my yellow paint from my mustang appeared on the spot. There was nothing there but he called it a hit and run, reported me to the management, put in a claim and told me if I ever hit his car again, he will have me hauled off again to the police. Yes, I should have reported that one but I could hardly see anything. So this is my neighbor and I don't live in a dangerous neighborhood. I live in Miami Beach in a beautiful condo with a garden with direct access to the pool and tennis court. It is a dream come true apt and he has destroyed all of that. All suggestions are welcome!
Carol Sue Gershman

Should I call him?

My ex lover lives in N. Y. and only a few blocks away from me. It would be nice to see his "cat grin" as that is what his present girlfriend calls it. She wrote " Ah, Babe, now dat U R rested from the cruise, go out and flash your cat grin to all on the sidewalks of N. Y. Have you ever? Not my style of talking but she seems to have landed him with her idiot talk.
But the point remains, if I call him, we probably will still dig one another and it can only lead to aggravation for both of us. We would want what we felt back then and he is not going to give it to me and I will react to that. So maybe we will run into one another, may be I will see his cat grin flashing at me. Oh, maybe that is what she meant; O. K. girlfriend, I will be on the look out.
Carol Sue Gershman

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

Bags are packed for Thanksgiving holiday in N. Y. C.
Fun celebrating with family. My daughter Leslie is already there, she does a Xmas market at Union Square. She imports Baby clothes from Bali, festive to go with the holiday season and does quite a job.. Mom (me) is required to work as I have been doing for 14 years. I love the high energy around the market. The booth is outdoors believe it or not with just a little heater. We dress real warm and actually rarely rarely get cold!
Sister Judy puts on quite a celebration dinner. I can not describe it here right now as it is endless, but if you read my book you will see it spelled out in detail. She is an artist and goes all out on decor and food.
I will be selling my book at the fair, if Leslie allows me to. She might not want to mix my sexy book with baby clothes; I will just sneak away and stand where the crowds are yelling out "Have you heard, have you heard about the "Jewish Lady, The Black Man and the Road Trip?" It gets a smile and sometimes $14.95.
Carol Sue Gershman

Auntie Mame

Have you seen the movie Auntie Mame? It was made in the fifty's and stars Rosiland Russell. She plays an outrageous character who dresses flamboyantly, lives in great wealth, has outrageous friends and throws wild parties. Then the stock market crashes and she looses her money but this did not stop Mame from living with passion.

I for one love to dress up and wear show stopping clothes as I just did on the cruise (the blog before this one) I will post photos asap. People love to be entertained and people love excitement so why not show it to the world. I can not be Mame daily as she was, but when the occasion rises and I hope to have more of them, I will dress as wildly as I can.

I wore a necklace of chocolate kisses. They looked like large glittering diamonds. During dinner I started to smell chocolate and there were my kisses melting all over my neck from my body heat.... Motto: Wear only in winter.

Carol Sue Gershman

Cruising with my book!

What a time and what a turnout on Carnival Cruise. I was asked to speak on board. I am 73 and part of my message was to ask the audience what they will be doing at my age. So I ask you too. 'Writing came as a big surprise to me. It leads me to believe how much we all have inside of us that lies dormant. Go out and do it now. Life has speeded up and there is little time to wait.
WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING AT 70?' I would love to hear what you have to say.
my email is carolsue@atlanticbb.net or leave message here. Thank you.
Carol Sue Gershman

What is the real treat?

The other night on my way home I decided to buy and treat myself to,  not one but two dark sweet chocolate bars. They were delicious even though the caffeine kept me up most of the night. With out a problem I quickly demolished them both.

The next morning I noticed the wrapper,  much to my surprise,  had something in it. I had missed two little squares! I put them in the freezer.

A few days later dying for something sweet, my memory kicked in;  there was  chocolate in the house; mind you I never keep sweets around.  Sure enough there were the 2 small squares sitting where I put them.  I screamed with delight at my find and relished the taste of each small nibble wishing I had not been such a glutton and had left more.

 The moral: The 2 bars were great and I enjoyed them.... BUT THE  TWO LITTLE PIECES WERE THE REAL TREAT! 

Carol Sue Gershman

My Neighbor

O. K. I will take the responsibility. I did something terrible in my life; I was mean and thoughtless, inconsiderate and arrogant and now I am getting it all back through MY neighbor. 

MY neighbor thinks he lives on a farm. He does not realize that there are people around him meaning me underneath of him. 

MY neighbor likes to smoke, so what if I breath in second hand smoke?

MY neighbor likes to lift weights in his apartment and plop them on the floor, so what If I am startled each time and my pictures fall off of the wall?

MY neighbor likes to re- construct his apartment. So what if I have to put up with drilling and banging for 6 months?

MY neighbor does not care that the saw dust is falling all over my patio. So what if I have to take a broom and hose and clean up the mess?

MY neighbor likes to open and close his sliding glass doors constantly. So what if I hear them rumble most of the day?

MY neighbor  comes out side to relax and talks on his cell phone in a loud pitch. So what if I have to hear his conversations?

MY neighbor has tried to blow his smoke in another direction; so I must love THY neighbor for trying.

Then again who knows what MY neighbor will do next? How about a yelping dog?

How about blasting music coming through the walls? How about late night parties? 

Oh Lord bless MY neighbor just as he is.

Then again, maybe I should move to the farm.

Then again, what about MY next neighbor?

Carol Sue Gershman

The toilet

 How is your toilet? I live in a up scale building and one would think that an up scale toilet would come with the apartment!

 

No! my toilet is a prima dona and simply does not like having anything in it.

 It sits aristocratically in a corner of the bath room,  shiny white and clean and shouts out, "keep it light."

 When it comes to paper, my toilet simply does not tolerate such nonsense. It says, "how would you like it if I stuffed you all up with paper? If you think I am going to try to get it all down, forget it, go away and stop annoying me."

So I called in the plumber and he agrees with the toilet. "Look lady, save your money, don't you see how nice it acts when just a little something is placed in it? You need to be careful and not aggravate this toilet as he left with his plunger.

So each day I ask my toilet how it feels. Would it be OK if????

Then again, maybe it is time to move! 

Zach's Bar Mitzvah

He stood like a rock sure of himself, enjoying the ceremony that he was starring in. My little difficult grandson has turned out to be a sweet gentle loving brilliant kid. He has great intensity inside of him and I can hardly wait to see what bursts out as he grows. This ain't no ordinary kid, but we ain't an ordinary family as ordinary goes.  The guests came pouring in. We ladies dressed like queens preparing ourselves for the wonderful event.  Friends and family showed up at the same hotel and Zach's other grandmother there was highly honored. We all knew that she would be leaving our world shortly as she had taken ill; but tonight she was radiant and we were grateful that she was there.

Zach read the Torah, all the family were invited to be part of the ceremony and he stood with composure and in his own words said, "I know my stuff." It was a long ceremony but nobody cared as we were totally engrossed listening to a language far over most of our heads, but this 13 year old got it?

We were swept away to the cocktail party on my son's estate  of 200 acres on a Vermont farmland with ponds, pools and tonight there were two huge tents to enhance the lawn.

Cocktails took place in their newly renovated home, finished of course in time for the party. The mock kitchen was in;  nothing yet worked as there was no time, but nobody really knew the secret. There was  sushi and shrimp and stations of ethnic food with more passed delights,  and then we were led into the  tent magnificently lit with neon signs, you know how it goes, with Zach's  name in lights. The best part of the party was the high energy! It was impossible not to have fun. We lit religious candles danced and ate the wonderful food. There is perfection in life and this party was exactly that.  Congratulations Zach for being the great guy you are today and for bringing us all together. You did a wonderful job! 

Carol Sue Gershman

 

Air lines, they fly safely but kill us in other ways

 I had to book a flight at last minute.  I drove myself to the airport;  Only two days over night parking,  how much could it cost? I found out  $22.00 a day for a valet to park it close to the entrance. I felt like a queen avoiding the  shuttle bus that I usually take. The plane ride up was fine but would my son be at the airport to greet me? With my son there is always a mystery; maybe he will be there in person, maybe he will send a car  or maybe I will be taking the next plane back?  He doesn't like to use the telephone to tell me his plans and does not pick up his phone when I call, but I know deep in my heart that he or a car will be there waiting. There is an element of a game or a surprise he likes; he knows it will throw me if he doesn't  call and for what ever reason,  it does; but sure enough as I landed the phone rang, this time it was his secretary telling me a car with a green shamrock on it was waiting.  I ran through a couple of levels with my suitcase to find where the car was parked but sure enough moments later I was in a lovely limo type cab on my way to meet the family at the hotel. They were no where to be found, so I went out and got a manicure. and met everyone for a rewarding evening a few hours later.

 I was attending the funeral of my daughter-in laws mom and it was as heartwarming as any funeral can be, the weather was divine. I was glad to be there as part of both families and my son and his wife were proud that I came. A lovely lady lost her life, another victim of ovarian cancer; now I must carry on for the both of us and be a better  grand mom  to our precious kids.

Off to the store to buy a Halloween card in her in her tradition.

After some corned beef and pickles back at the house I went directly to the airport and my son drove me with no surprises. It was nice to spend time with him.  I boarded the plane as it drove up and down the runway for a half hour only to hear the announcement  that that plane was not going to take off. O. K. not so bad, why get in after midnight?  I was sure they would put me up at a hotel and get me on the first flight out the next day. I achieved the latter but after calling three supervisors and standing on a long line,  they came up with a distressed price at a hotel a few miles from the airport.  I found my own-and a suite for less price.  the shuttle came and I was asleep before I hit the bed.  At least I would get a good nights sleep.

This would work  fine because I ditched a pair of shoes that were falling apart at the previous security check-in the night before only to find I missed them. But no, it didn't work, the airport discarded them permanently. And this time they took my toothpaste and lotion too which pushed me over the top. I called the supervisor and talked them into letting me keep my precious tooth paste and expensive remover. The seats were cramped in; but the plane did take off and I managed to sell a book to my seat mate. I had not counted on another day of parking so with the hotel and parking fee I could have booked a first class seat on another airline. But I am safely home!

Carol Sue Gershman

And so she passes

Such a lovely lady Carol was, the mother of my daughter in-law Robin. She talked a mile a minute and the first time I met her on the phone I could not get a word in. She said of her daughter, "she is a nice girl." It made me laugh, it was as if she was saying don't worry about your son, he is marrying a nice girl. We spoke occasionally and met for family gatherings. She re-married a man who swept her away to Thailand and then sent her back home alone after he fell for a Thai lady, never to be heard from again. She survived the pain only to be diagnosed shortly afterwards with a far worse pain, ovarian cancer in the third stage. Following a neighbor of mine who died of the same, I felt then that Carol did not have a chance. She was brave struggling with an up beat attitude for 41/2 years trying to lick it. I would receive many humorous jokes over the Internet telling me how high her spirit was. She met another man just before she was diagnosed and this man stayed with her until the end. A true hero. Our grandson was to be bar mitzvah ed and it was Carol's goal to make the festivity even though she was heavily in treatment. She came up to me before the party began to say hello. She looked good but quite different, much more sophisticated  and very much more subdued. During the day she went from an almost bald head to wearing a wig for the evening party. She said she felt free without the wig and only started to venture out without it recently. She always had thick dark wavy hair. She danced at the party and seemingly had a good time probably knowing that this would be the last time she would see her family and friends. Two days after the party she checked into the hospital where she spent the last two weeks of her life surrounded by family and friends. Today she closed her eyes for the last time.

How incredible is the human mind, Carol undoubtedly willed herself to stay alive for the party

and to be photographed and then knowing it was her time, she let go.

God bless you Carol for your strength and attitude.  

Carol Sue Gershman 

PRETZELS and more and more pretzels

I ordered pretzels, FOR ME  to enjoy at a cost of $20.00.  They arrived with salt in a plastic bag; I had filled in the order incorrectly. Last year I gave a red tin of pretzels as  Xmas gifts. So I called back the company and asked them to send me the red tins without pretzels. It took time for them to understand, but 6 tins at $5.00 each arrived, except that they are over-sized tins and now I do not have enough pretzels. I took the pretzels and put tissue paper in the tin to make the gift look good and realized that the paper was colored and could bleed on the pretzels. So I had to remove the lovely tissue breaking a few pretzels as I did so. There is no real room in my apt. for these tins. I cannot eat them, I cannot fill the tins. So my only solution is to order more pretzels, get white tissue and give out the Xmas gifts now...  

Sarah Palin, Joe Biden

I think Sarah Palin will do well tonight. She does NOT have my vote but this lady is on a mission. Blessed with her good looks and charisma, she will hold her own. She can not help the fact that she knows  little about foreign affairs, and as she has stated, she at least knows where Russia is. She had no time to go to school to be president of the U. S.; this came to her one night in her sleep.  She is used to charming her way through any situation; that is who she is, and if she gets elected she will have won the election by her charm. Some of us know that trick well. It actually is deserving of high honors. Not all of us are Harvard material, it is the combination of the two that sets us apart, but how many have been that blessed? Now take Joe Biden. He has been in government all of his life and possesses great knowledge and that is his ticket. You can be sure that the millions who tune in tonight are looking to be highly entertained by Sarah. ....Remember people like fun, good times and judging by the mentality of the U. S. by electing G. W. Bush twice,  Sarah Palin might fit our mentality well. 

OLD LOVES. Do they really ever really die?

My old love and I still have feelings for one another. Do you know why? Because ours was a romantic love and to him I was the one who got away, and for me he was the one who got away. He left me in the height of our passion. He chose to move on to a more secure situation with another woman. To me she is socially minus but she seems to love him enough never to leave him, which is what he needs. He thinks of me often and in any given opportunity he sends me an e=mail or such. I always answer, then he answers, then I answer and then then we die. We don't pick up because neither one of us wants to; two people trying hard not to see one another. Instead we both fantasize. We prefer to think that the other one is still there, and in all probability we still are, but he remains with his choice. So now the only thing we can do is to continue to dream the dream we sold each other. Carol Sue

MORE on the radio

What fun it was to get all dressed up today and to decide which hat to wear on the radio. One was a huge white floppy hat that fell over one eye, the other a chic black straw. Pictures tomorrow... I chose the black and wore a all white suit. I looked great... Guess what? No video but Charlie the host liked how I looked so I got lots of compliments from him on the air. The room was dark; a new studio with comfortable swivel chairs and a microphone placed in front of me. I was given  ear phones which I placed  under my hat. For what ever reason the room was kept iced cold, but I was so excited that I hardly noticed. Charlie K is a gem of a radio host, he eased me right into conversation and the 15 minutes of fame was over in a flash. During the interview my hat fell off feeling much like Ms America whose crown constantly falls off or lop-sided. It felt better than talking to a therapist, but kind of like the same, as it was all about me. 

It was the perfect first interview, short, sweet, successful.  So much so that I came home and contacted every radio show and TV show in my area. I'm on my way!

Carol Sue  

On the radio today

If I was going on Oprah, I could not be more excited than going on my first radio show. I have worked out an outline and hope the host Charlie asks me questions I can easily answer.

This is EXCITING, NERVE RACKING FUN... more later.... carol sue

OH MY GOD!

What a time zone I have been going through to get my book right. You see I keep changing things and each time I make a change in the printing or on the cover, the publisher starts all over. It has taken since July going back and forth to complete and I have had no other thoughts. I made a wonderful new friend. You might know her, her name is Prill Boyle. I met her on Facebook and visited her in her beautiful home in Conn. A real New England Inn, I thought I was at a palatial bed and breakfast. She has great experience on how to give book talks etc. I learned a lot from Prill. Then I spent 10 days in N. Y. C. and went on to my grandson's Bar Mitvah which I will write about because it was amazing. 

Wait till you see my new book cover! It looks great! The Jewish Lady, The Black Man and the Road Trip" is about to take off.

TUNE INTO WWW.WDNA.ORG THIS WED. OCT 1, 11:00-noon....... I would love to hear your comments..

The jewish lady, the black man and the road trip

Last week I went to visit my ex-husband. I wrote about him in my book, when we were married, and when our lives were shared. I won't give it away by telling you what I said about him, but I will tell you that that man has changed. He lives in an awesome home in Colorado right on the river. The air is more than divine, and I found myself going outside early morning just to breathe it in. His home is a retreat with perfectly groomed buddah gardens, at least five bird cages with birds that are fed each day. One feeding station has a two-way mirror; we can see the birds as we sit on his sprawling couch, but they cannot see us. There is a wonderful pond where the fish are fed and because ducks made such a mess, he has 5 wooden ducks that represent the 5 members of our family as they swim under the geiser.

He is a incredible host. He runs for goodies and not only that, he cooks. He is a brilliant photographer and his work is now being shown all over the world. His clothes are outrageous from wild shorts, yellow shoes and rainbow socks to pin striped suits. . On top of this he is kind, compassionate and now has great respect for himself and in return for me.

We are good friends, after 25 years I seemed to pick up where I left off, serving him, straightening up, cooking. Well after all we lived together for 25 years.

I am proud of him and equally proud that he is the father of my children.

Carol Sue Gershman

Are you a member?

I have recently joined, facebook, my space, linkedin, wayn, bebo, twitter, divine caroline, silver planet and maybe a couple of others. This is a hoot. If you think you are friendless or running out of friends, just join one of these net works and you will be inadated with new people in your life. Even my ex boyfriend found me and wants to be my friend, my daughter in law did the same. People are really interested in other peoples lives. It takes work, but if you are willing to spend a couple of hours a day meeting and greeting, you will have a blast. It is safe, you do not have to be friends if you are not interested. It is all news to me and time consuming but hey, what else is life about other than connecting. One never knows who he or she might find. Enjoy. I am.

the jewish lady, the black man and the road trip

Who would believe what it takes to write a book, especially the first time around. It gets edited, re edited and improved to perfection, that is if one is a perfectionist like me. I am so anxious to start marketing my book but not just yet.
I thought it was all done and then I decided to change the back cover blurb to entice more readers. Just when I thought it was going to press, the cover person went on vacation. No notice what so ever as to when she left or would be back. I am helpless, even though my publicist is getting me into the papers and on radio and here I am with no book to sell. Not her fault I thought it was done.
Oh well, I guess we can all wait for a couple of more weeks to read this breakthrough memoir?

What a week

It certainly pays to stay connected to an ex. In my case my husband. He bought a piece of land in Basalt, Co. and turned it into a retreat. Every room in the house is distinctive done in Moroccan style, with art, mosaic tiles, robes for guests that are huge almost like carpets. It is smack on the river and we hear the sounds all day. It is filled with Buddha gardens, a pond with fish and ducks and a gazebo that one could live in.
So we get along great. My girlfriends came with a couple of days and we blasted together. I brought mah jongg to Basalt, so between enormous dinners, hikes, fun and games we played our favorite game.
Ladies stay connected to your ex. One never knows what joy he could bring to you after all is set and done.

Roaring down the Roaring Fork River in a raft

Wow, what a day.
7 of us were picked up in a bus and taken to a remote spot along the river. The clothes we wore were all wrong, no cotton, so we all stripped down on the bus. Nobody cared to look at each other while we changed into their wet, wet suits. The fleece they gave us to wear underneath was great. Then came the wet rubber boots and the wet life jacket.. Everything wet from the prior trip. Came along our instructor who gave us the save our lives talk. Then into the boat with paddles. Except for me who sat in the middle. And off we went.. Wow, over the rapids, bumping and bumping more, row front, row back, stop, icy cold water splashing us in the face, giggling and laughing all the way. A guaranteed laugh, a guaranteed smile. At one point I got a paddle but was quickly dismissed entering the wildest part of the river waves. We rafted for 2 hours, all thrilled, but eager to get dry. The strangest part was how exhausted we all were, trembling inside I suppose from the intensity of a wild fun day. Carol Sue Gershman

Here I am in Aspen, co.

Hard up for a tenant to rent

Times have changed. I have a wonderful studio, faces front with trees to look at. I have owned it for sixteen years. I goofed up. I forgot to bring my divine tenant her new lease and in the interim she got wind of another apartment and there she went. Had I brought her the lease she would have been stuck. So I advertised and showed and offered and compensated but nobody rented it. Along came a charming gentleman filled with enthusiasm who said, " I will take it." There is only one problem, he does not have any money, but  swears he will get it.... He will come up with the first months rent to move in and then will pay the security out during the month he is living there. Then he will work  hard to meet the rent for the next month. He is motivated and is motivating me to give him  a chance. He will work two jobs, wash dishes just to have the space. So what to do? He said he will paint it at his own expense. That alone is worth $600. There is absolutely no one else.  So would you take him or would you leave it empty until someone else comes along missing out on this months rent? I made my decision but would like to hear from you. Carol Sue Gershman

Dullsville

Our lives can sometimes be dull; not particularly boring, simply dull. I live in a beautiful apartment and am blessed. There is a swimming pool and tennis court right out my door. But what has happened? I am spending too much time at home.  I have become reclusive,  going out only when  I have to.  So little old me at 72 has become dull living in paradise.  I am waiting for my book  to be re edited and to start marketing it,  but in the meantime I have given up other things that I like to do such as traveling.  I am grateful for little errands, the bank, food shopping, the shoe maker but find I can not wait to get back to Dullsville.  Yes, I occasionally go out to dinner or to a movie even a cocktail party, but for the most part, I am focused on staying home in glorious Dullsville. I think I would be more alive on  a street with passersbys such as New York City, but then again maybe it is simply me who is dull and I would still prefer to stay home. ho hum. Carol Sue Gershman

I Hired a Publicist

About to launch my new book. I am on my way to Aspen so advertised my apartment for someone to take care of my plants and pay a soft amount of rent while I am gone. . Along came a lovely girl who wanted  a short vacation only to find out she does publicity and could greatly help me with my book.  Her upbeat personality and expertise told me that she had flown through my door like an angel to help me with all that I do not know about marketing and all it takes to sell a million copies. How nice. What are the hardships that I face?   To begin with blogging and getting on all the blogging sites;  there are dozens to register, then comes the  uploading of  photos and remembering passwords.  Anyway I have given her my apartment  as a form of barter to cover some of her fee. She will teach me how to reach people, turn them on, write press releases, get me on mailing lists, radio, television, magazines, become a speaker. What could be better? How lucky am I... I am excited and will keep you posted along the way. Soon you will be linked to Amazon and B@N and will get to know the Black Man the Jewish Lady and their Road trip... Yippee....Carol Sue Gershman

Attached to our children

No matter how old our children are or how old we become, some parents remain involved and completely attached to their kids.  Most of us let them go, but others want to keep control not able to face the void.  Why are parents so frightened to let go? I imagine because they can not face life or branch out in other directions; but mostly need the control.  Some parents feel that their kids need and want them to run the show. They think their kids will not make it without them. Bullshit. It is those parents who  can not make it without their kids.  As I get older I see parents who cannot let go of the reigns. I find them to be, in lack of  another word, annoying. I wish they would find another life. I am talking about adult married children, not young ones or teenagers.

I am caring and involved with my kids but they have their complete lives and I have mine. Thank God.... Carol sue Gershman

Hey all you ex boyfriends

 Where are you all today?

How did your lives go? 

What about you Morty from Canada who I knew at eighteen? Who did you marry, or maybe not marry, were you successful in life,  in business? I chose another man at that time who I later divorced. My mom wanted you for me; maybe she was right.  How would I have turned out? What would my children have looked like? Would I  have lived in Canada rather than the states?  How did you age? So cute you were, are you still good to look at?  Did you take care of yourself?  Are you still living now at seventy plus?  Did you continue to be the gentleman you were or did life harden you?  The most mind boggling  of all is that I would have had different children or maybe none, depending on you and if you were able to give me a child.  Would I have been rich? Wow, aren't these the thoughts, ones I have never addressed until this evening... Carol Sue

Have you tried a fast?

Have you  tried a fast? I made up my own...   A ton of carb's in the morning. The first day I had two baked potatoes, the second, a loaf of bread and the third,  whole wheat pancakes. No syrup, plain. Then I had fruit all day long, no bananas, mostly melon, papaya and sneaked in some pineapple , not good as it has too much sugar. So far I have lost about two pounds but it is my mind that I would like to mention. I am clear and peaceful. It is great to clean out your body. I realize I went another route filling up on carbs, but fruit and bread worked for me. I would like to mention it has to be good bread, whole wheat, preferably from the health food store. Any fast is good, and the longer we can stay on it, the thinner, the clearer and the less tired you will feel. It is all that food that clogs our systems.  When we can clear us out, we emerge differently. It is truly amazing. There are many fasts, all water and tea is the best; all fruit juices, I have heard of a yogurt and bread fast. My speech is slower and I feel marvelous with lots of patience. Soon I will have to begin to eat, but I hope not too much. This is a great euphoric feeling. Carol Sue Gershman

Are you a toastmaster?

My daughter  lives in Switzerland and suggested that I enroll in toastmasters, an international organization for public speaking.

Since I am hoping to do many book tours,  real soon, I decided I had better learn to stand up in front of people and say something interesting.

So I enrolled. The room was filled with people who want to learn this sport for every reason imaginable, business, entrepreneurship, and in my case to launch my book. At first it is frightening, as they call on each member to answer on a topic prepared by the initiator. It is much like the Miss American contest when the girls are called on to speak impromptu. The topic of the evening can be on any random subject. I had to speak spontaneously for up to three minutes,  before I was able to fall back into my chair and breathe. It is scary as one (meaning me) is not always versed on a subject. Last night I was asked how would I feel if I was a tennis champion,  and was at set point, with the world watching,  knowing that my serve would either make or break my championship. Well,  my answer was, that I simply don't know how they can do it. Imagine having millions of people waiting for my serve. Oh wow. but those athletes are involved with their sport  that have the ability to  tune out the world and focus. The highlight of the evening was my so called Ice Breaker speech telling something about my self. Guess what? I was a smash hit. My talk, entitled, how I became a writer, which I will post later, was well appreciated by the class. I was grateful for their comments and felt confident after last night that I could stand before a group and tell my story. See you at my book tour, or at Toastmasters. It is lots of fun. Carol Sue Gershman

The art of conversation

Did you ever notice how few people have the art of conversation?  The most popular people I know find it difficult to sit down and have a one on one talk.  They could have a million friends but can not focus on one person preferring to change the subject several times, answer a phone or leave. Some can better communicate on the telephone or in an e mail. Some converse by sending a forward thinking they are communicating. I don't mind a forward here and there but not to replace a conversation.  I for one cherish a good talk touching on lots of topics.  I prefer to talk to one person at a time. It could be funny, serious, or perhaps it can get heated. That fulfills me much more  than going to a party or another form of entertainment.  Some people can not look you in the eye when they speak. That shows that they are not honest, hiding something, yes maybe shy,  but probably more of the former. We are all so complicated. Certainly I am too, but meet me for dinner and if you are open, I guarantee you will get caught  in a good conversation.

Carol Sue Gershman  

Oil My Bones With Yoga

 I don't  underestimate the power of yoga. it is intense and the older we get the more important it is to keep it going. My dad used to complain that he was stiff. My grandmothers legs hurt all the time. I know if they had known about yoga they would not have suffered as they did.

Yoga is medicine, it is oil for our bodies.  I guarantee it. Fifteen to thirty minutes a day is just fine. I myself think that gentle yoga is all we need.  It stands to reason , it is about stretching, lubricating the bones without the oil. There is little one can do that is wrong if you are gentle. Classes are marvelous, but if they are not accessible one only needs a mat, a tape or a television program. Once you have learned the postures you can do it on your own. It can be done anywhere, on the beach by a lake or a pool, in the back yard, anywhere is your home in any room is perfect.

 

If you have not done Yoga before, (or sometimes when I have not done it for awhile) I find I get stiff.

Back into it, it hurts at first, especially the squats,  but once that imaginary oil pours through my body in the form of a stretch, it is simply incredible.  Do Yoga to keep your bones well lubricated.

I know you will agree.

Carol Sue Gershman

Sleeping through Sex and the City

I am sure that I am the only one that slept through Sex and the City. 

I could not wait to see the movie and to insure that it would not be sold out when I got to the box office, I paid the additional fee of ordering a ticket in advance. I chose the 3:00 P. M. Show. 

With that I lied down to take a short rest and the rest of the story is history.

When I woke up a few days later (just kidding) I went to see it. Oddly enough my ticket was still there. I loved the movie. It was heart warming, loving and true. What we all go through for love. The script is  great showing what  girlfriends mean to one another. Their foursome were the best. They stood by each other and even when there was a feud, they refused to give up  because of a difference. They fought to save their cherished friendships. The love between Big and Carrie brought tears to my eyes. I thought the wedding scene was heartbreaking and I felt much empathy for her and then for him. He is who he is. Men really do get scared. Who doesn't love Samantha.  What a joy and riot she is. The way her eyes light up at the sight of a hunk... She is great. 

So no sleeping through Sex and the City. The only sleeping I would like to do is with one of those hot hunks. Carol Sue Gershman

 

Norman's Basset Hound

 Norman lives in Colorado.  He bought a basset hound while he was still living in New York and named him Casanova. Perhaps he had dreamed of being him. His love for his dog was filled with kindness.

 Casanova was not an easy dog to own. He was heavy set, loved to fart and had a hard time moving at a fast pace.  He was fed the finest of foods.  When one would visit his master, we had to pay special attention to the dog, we were immediately asked if we said hello to him looked at him, pet him. We made sure we  laughed at some of his movements. He had a special jeweled bed and at night he slept in his masters room. Norman's Colorado home was on a beautiful piece of property by a river, but there was one problem. In season bears would come on to his property and Cassanova had to be walked. So brave Norman found out what to do in case. He would string  cow bells around his neck and jingle them as he walked. sometimes he would carry pots and pans and bang on them yelling as if there was a bear.  Rain or shine, deep snow or hale Norman would dress himself in cowbells and walk Cassanova. The family was grateful that there was never an incident. 

When Norman went away, Cass. was put into dogie school with room and board at the finest of a facility. He would play with other dogs if he chose.

 

As the  years went on, Cassanova needed an operation on his back and neck.  There was only one specialist in Denver and the only way to get him there was to hire a private jet to fly him to the doctor. Then there was a tumor that developed and he needed surgery again.  It worked and Cass remained in good health for several more years. But then suddenly, when he was thirteen,  he started to take a turn for the worst. 

His back legs went. Norman ordered a cart where the dog could sit, but no sooner than it was unpacked poor Cassanova's  front legs went and it was time. There was no choice.

I received an e-mail from Norman that Cassanova was put to sleep last week, but not before he was fed roast chicken with a side of turkey and carried to the car by two men. Norman placed a full page obituary in the local paper. It read: In Celebration of the Life of Cassanova 3/30 1995- 5/23/2008 My best friend.  

For sure Cassanova is in heaven but I am sure it made no difference to him. He lived a heavenly life all of his life. It should happen to me. Carol Sue Gershamn

 

LORD, MAKE ME WIRELESS

When the Lord creates his new species I hope he will consider making us wireless with an electric  plug.

I go from one plug to another. My computer plug,  my charging cell phone plug, my printer plug, my digitel plug, my wireless box plug, my camera plug that plugs into my computer.

I bought a new Mac computer and I have not left its side. It is filled with life, excitement, new people, new friends,  love connections, photo folders, documents, banks, clothes. O. K. you got it. Then there is the Apple store close by filled with hundreds of computer brains at my service.  Young wholesome men and women who got it all, right up in their brain. I find myself going back and forth with my newest fashion bag, my computer bag, to be part of the high energy of my new world; I can't wait to sign up for their next class plus Starbucks is right next door. Everyone comes to learn. We are back in kindergarten again. Mind you the store has been there for nearly two years and I never noticed.

Actually when it comes down to it,  it is alot less scary, than a  new lover with all of his wires and plugs. 

Do I dare to learn all of this? and spend my old age (now 72) going  from one plug to another? Sure better than going from one Doc to another. I used to like to travel. What for? I have a world right here and I don't have to move from  my bed. There is my land line, cell, wireless lap top,  digital camera ,  digitel T. V. ,  I-pod and or stereo for yoga tapes.

O. K. So I do go to the freezer for a dish of ice cream.

 

 But only until a robut  learns to scoop. 

Carol Sue Gershman 

GOING THROUGH LIFE WITH SOMEONE

I had an interesting two hour telephone conversation with a friend of mine today and we talked about the importance of going through life with someone. She was not referring to marriage or to a best friend even though those are wonderful ways. If one does not have either one of those, knowing someone on this planet who would take a plane down, or run over in case of need is extremely comforting.

I am divorced for many years, but my ex husband and I have stood by each others emotional side for all of our divorced years. I call him in need, good or bad and he does the same. I know he is there for me, and I would hope that he knows that I am there for him. It is good for me, but just maybe it has kept me from meeting a significant other. My need has not been all that great because I know I have him for support. If I was completely emotionally alone, I might have noticed that emotional void more so. So divorce is just a piece of paper. Have I deprived myself of another true relationship, have I chosen guys who I know were incapable of marrying me because that was not my need? Did I boast all of my divorced life that I did not understand the needs of of other women having to go right out and get married, or those who hang on to their children for emotional needs? Did I place myself in a category of being strong and independent when all the time I have been dependent? These are some new thoughts of mine.. Carol Sue Gershman

DO WE REALLY KNOW OURSELVES?

Most of us are programmed to act in a certain way. I for one believe that I have good intentions; therefore I do not realize the impact I might have on another person, especially when it comes to love affairs. Here I am unmarried for the last twenty five years, although I had been married for an equal amount of time. In any event, I must be doing something wrong without realizing what I am actually doing. I scare love away by too much attention or not enough. Take for instance my last love. He adored me without question and I adored him. However, I did not think that leaving him for 2 months to travel, as I liked to do, would be of any consequence to our relationship. I knew that after my trip I would come right back to him. But to that man, at that time, two months was an eternity, not only did he have abandonment issues, but a huge ego and my leaving was showing him that there were other things more important to me than him. To me, it was not big deal. I would be coming back. So when in return he abandoned me for good, I had no idea why. The point of the story is that I need to realize what my impact might be on another person, whether it be a family member, lover or friend. I realize that anyone reading this would say, Hello, where has she been? But maybe I have been completely unaware using the disguise of believing that my good intentions and integrity were enough. Next time around I will ask. Now it is up to them to be able to tell the truth. Carol Sue Gershman

married men, single women

I met a man separated from his wife. By our next date he decided to go back to his wife. (nothing to do with me, I hope.) I was all for it. I believe in marriage. I believe in him trying, so rather than enticing this very sexy interesting charismatic man who possesses great humor, I tried to help him in his marriage. Do I really want to be sneaking around corners at this point of my life, bucking myself up against another woman, I don't think so. He said his wife does not cook. I told him to cook. I told him how to entice her, set the table with the finest, light a candle and ring a dinner bell. Before I knew it he was cooking for his entire family. How great when a man is vulnerable enough to listen to a woman. Is that not want we women want? I like him and I would much prefer a friendship with him rather than to be the other woman . I would like to see him give himself time. Maybe they have outgrown each other; then again maybe they can pick up the pieces and go on. They have history. Bravo you married men who stay with your wives and don't cheat and do try. Bravo you single women who do not wow the man away from his wife. Integrity is everything, I believe. Carol Sue Gershman

Insecure Nasty Women

Some, (or is it most of us ) are envious. Women will take the opportunity to put another woman in harms way. I personally am sick of some of my lady friends who are insecure within themselves and need to find their own power through lashing out and testing me as a friend. I am a kind soul. It is hard for me to comprehend the viciousness in other women. Jealous women have a biting way about them, their only way to feel superior. Let me give you examples and it will be for you to decide.

Case 1. I went out with two lady friends several weeks back. It was a lovely evening and we sat in an outdoor cafe sharing a booth with a young couple and their precious son. Well, the couple whipped out their cigarettes and filled the booth with smoke enveloping not only us but the lungs of their adorable son. I looked at that precious little 3 year old and thought how terrible; his own parents doing him so much harm. So when they left , and yes they were a nice friendly couple, I said to her, "my wish for you is to stop smoking in front of your adorable child." She glanced at me awkwardly with no response and kept walking.

My two friends, had a response. They thought I acted disgracefully stating it was none of my business and I should have kept my mouth shut. I apologized if I had embarrassed them, but told them both that their reaction to what I said seemed worse than what I actually said. Well one friend let me have it. "What you did was disgraceful. do you know how you made that couple feel,where do you come off talking like that to another person when it is none of your business." She was yelling at me telling me my actions were beyond her thinking to the point that I choked on my food and went home truly with a migraine headache. Now tell me is this a friend? One that would intentionally insult and embarrass me even if she did not agree with my actions? I do not say that I was all right, I did make the couple feel bad, but maybe in some way I impacted them enough not to smoke in front of their child. My friend abuser had a great time hurting me while my other friend sat mute. My point is, in one million years I would not lash out at a friend in that way. She was mean. I might disagree, but never would I demoralize the other person. I let it slide and attuned her birthday party and then one day when we out having fun eating ice cream, this same person let me know that I do many things not to her liking and she finds that I never apologize. I asked her what I should apologize for. At that point rather than take more of her abuse and especially not allowing me to enjoy my ice cream, I got up and went home. She e mailed me the next day trying to make amends but truly I had it from her.

case 2... a friend had to have minor surgery. I offered to drive her to the hospital. She found some one else to take her. I offered the next day to take her back and forth for her follow up but she did not want to bother me. When I called the next day to see how it all went, she said, I did not want to impose on you. I said, I offered and waited for your call to take you. Then she said, I would like a rye bread. It was pouring out and I was home for the day and responded, "do you mind if I bring the bread in the morning?"Well, she brushed me off of the telephone as if to say, "see, I knew you really did not want to help me out. "I was amazed. I decided anyway to drop the bread off the next day with a note telling her that I hope she felt better. She is the same friend who accused me of having a connection with her boyfriend several months ago. She felt that way because I was interested in hearing her tell me about him and would often give her advice, maybe sometimes taking his side. Dear Readers, I was not in the slightest interested in him.
I was abused in case 1 and in case 2, I was being tested. Refusing to get her a rye bread proved to her, I was not a friend. Having extended myself to taking her to the hospital was unimportant. If I sound as though I am complaining, I am. These two ladies were friends and meant something to me, but I have to assume that they have a love hate relationship with me and are jealous. What are your thoughts? Have you had similar situation?

I believe with the friends that I have just described, I need new friends. Tell me, what do you think?

LIFE IS EXCITING

Because it is life and I am here to live it.

Had a wonderful week; second part of book has been re edited. I am getting closer to publishing it once again and that means promoting it. It is an enormous task and I need to get started. As aggressive as I am, I am finding it difficult. The Black Man, The Jewish Lady and the Road trip will be a best seller if I can get it out there. Why? It is timely, interesting, informative, fun, and sexy. Oh yes, there are plenty of P. R. firms to do that kind of work, but I think a bit too costly when I know I can do the same thing my self.

Well now, I have connected with a Hollywood Director who is reading the script. He is interested in Part 1 and has urged me to send him the next 2 parts asap. Part 2 is now in the mail. Who would not dream of having their book turned into a movie; could I wish for anything greater than that at 72 years old?

The road trip takes place from Miami to Montreal, back through Vermont Pennsylvania, West Virgina, Tennessee and Alabama; 14 states in all. My hope is to follow the road trip signing books in each of the cities and towns we visited. I have just begun to contact each stop along the way and set up a tour. More later. Carol Sue Gershman

DIVULGING MY SEX LIFE, IS INAPPROPRIATE SHE SAID

A new friend read my memoir, The Black Man, The Jewish Lady and the Road Trip, and was appalled that I had shown the poor taste of disclosing my sexual escapades when I had children and grandchildren Her exact words were, "Believe me when I tell you I have been around the block, double of you, but I would never let it be known." I have a family, children and grandchildren. I don't mean to offend you she said, but it was inappropriate and not in good taste to put your children in such a position."


I thanked the pretty lady now married for the second time for her opinion and proceeded to tell her that I think differently. This is my life and my love affair brought out honesty and openness. I told her my children who understandably did not care to read about their mom's sex life, had their copies edited. They all enjoyed my book thoroughly. "There is a lot more to my book than sex, I said. Personally, I think it will be a great lesson for my grandchildren about their ole grandma."



It brought me to believe what Echart Tolle , A New Earth is preaching. That there are two parts to us, our essence and our ego. The pretty lady's essence is wild and carefree but her ego said, "I am a mother and grandmother and I would not think of divulging what I am really like."


I have no qualms of expressing myself in my way as long as it does not hurt anyone. There is no questions that I checked with my therapist before writing my memoirs and he felt that it was my life and if I cared to disclose all of my love affair, it is my story, and I had every right to do so without any remorse.


I have also learned how differently people think about sex. Most loved reading juice, others were embarrassed for me? No, for themselves, others just skipped those parts. Like the pretty lady she wants her image to be pure to the world even though in her own words she is not.


What is your opinion????

THEY CALLED ME A RELIGIOUS WOMAN

At my yoga retreat over the Passover holidays, they celebrated the Holiday with a feast that two hundred people attended. My friend had attended the year before and told me that the service was long and tedious. So I brought a book with me, it was the Eckhart Tolle book, A New Earth, but nobody could see the title as I tried to cover it. My friend was right, it was a long long service so I took out my book and passed the time between courses and read. The next day I ran into a woman who was sitting at my table. She said, "I noticed you are a religious woman." I said, " why would you say that?" "Well, she said, I see that you brought your own bible to the Seder"...P. S. I have been called many things in my life, but never a religious woman. I had a good chuckle.

MY WONDERFUL BAHAMA YOGA RETREAT

Bent out of shape I was... The Yoga I cherished stopped interesting me for the last couple of months. I simply had lost the desire to do it; I felt o. k while walking or sitting around. Nevertheless, I chose to get back into it by booking in at the Sivinanda Yoga Retreat in the Bahamas. I found my body to be a whole different story. I was in excruciating pain for the first couple of days when I tried to get into a yoga position. I felt old. I told my roommate I had gotten old. On top of that the vegetarian food they served took its toll on my out of shape body. I literally suffered for the first 4 days thinking that I was past my prime. However, I had a lovely time meeting new people, the unbelievable turquoise water of the Caribbean soothing my body, the Hotel Atlantis next door, the new Starbucks next door all made up for my bent out of shape body. One night I ached so that my roommate ran to a friend in the night to get me Tylenol and Tiger Balm to sooth the pain.

And then on the fifth day, I arose and I was astounded to feel my new body. The pain and the toxins has passed and there I was light and free easily going into the yoga positions once again. My motto is I must never ever stop doing yoga. It really works, it is a must to keep our bodies aligned and in shape. I can understand if it is not yoga, Pilate or good stretches but young and old alike need to do keep up this practice. I know I will avoid arthritis, sciatica and all the rest if I discipline myself to keep up my practice. Good news. everyone... we can stay young and limber for ever, but we must work at it.

Since I have been home I arise at six or seven a. m. and go out in my garden to meditate and do breathing exercises. This is followed by 45- 60 min. of yoga. A hot bath or shower follows and my wonderful day has begun. Please try it, all you need is a mat, a tape or a tv yoga show....

THE EX-GIRLFRIEND, THE ONE BEFORE ME

When you meet a new boyfriend, he will usually talk about his latest past ex. He will paint an image of this person as he has known her. That image might be completely different than who that person actually is; after all they were in love and all is fair in love and war. Not many of us have the opportunity of meeting an ex girlfriend, one who loves the man as much as you do and is open and friendly enough to share her stories about their romance. Well lucky me was able to meet my last friends ex and I have fallen in love with her. No not in that way, just as a person, I can hardly imagine why he ever let such a loving precious lady go or instigated her into leaving him. I have never met a woman who shared the same intense intimacy that I had with the same man. It is quite a learning experience and extremely freeing. Thoughts I have of about him became secured; The same man is the same man. It is more fun than I ever could have imagined. Hours and hours and more hours went by and there we were still talking about him and never once mentioning to each other our sexual experience. No kiss and tell for us..To hell with him I say! She is pleasure without the emotional pain. Carol Sue

OPRAH AND ECKHART TOLLE AND ME

This is a completely amazing phenomenon. There is not much else that is more rewarding than learning about ones self. We go along believing this is the way I am. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is not, but what ever the case we accept the fact, like it or not, that this is the way we are. Well, enter the world of Eckhart Tolle, author. He is here to show and prove that we can change rapidly from whom we thought we were to a whole new being. Well, if this is not the best news, I hardly know what else is. I have learned why I hurt, why I argue, why I love and who I love, why I have a need to argue, why I have been emotional when nobody else is, all of me is facing a new discovery. Suddenly at 72 years I have a whole new thought process. It is bizarre. and all we need do is to buy his book and go to Oprah. com and tune in to the chapters. I for one, suddenly feel free, free from myself. Let me know what you think..

The Black Man, The Jewish Woman and the Road Trip

These days I am extremely busy re-editing my book. The advanced signed copy's sold out quickly with great reviews. So, I hired an editor to make it perfection and part one is finished and excellent. I am going to begin to market it heavily, well not just yet, when it is complete. But over the weekend I went to a film fest and connected with an innovative director out in L. A. who is far from mainstream. He loved the title of my book and asked me to send him the script. I Xeroxed until I dropped writing a great cover letter, a blog and a querie. Standing in line at the P. O. was not any different than how it was when I was a kid. The lines were endless, the tellers disappear, but lo and behold it has gone to California. How exciting would it be, if before the book hits the shelf, it is grabbed up as a film? Oh yes, I can well imagine who would play the Jewish Lady and the hunk who will be the black man. I will keep you posted. I hope it does not take too long to get my YES answer.

NEUROTIC WOMEN

As we age, live alone, my findings show that women grow more and more neurotic through the years. In particular, this shows up in older single women who have either been divorced or without a lover for many years. These women want it their way, they live selfishly and that is why they are alone. I for one have been attracted to these neurotic women as friends, difficult women who see it no other way but theirs. They say like attracts like and I readily admit that I might have the same problem. But, where I stand out is that I recognize myself and possess a big heart. I am not out for anyone's husband, boyfriend or potential mate. In fact I go in the other direction. I am not jealous and do not have to protect my man at all costs. In particular women who are not pretty have to use something other than their looks to get their man. Oh well, I guess I have a few gripes these days with girlfriends who are disappointing and mean. This too shall pass. What about you, how is your best friend doing these days?

THE NEW WOMAN HAS GREAT COMPASSION FOR ME

"I have great compassion for you," she said. "After all you must have had feelings for him." I could not believe those demeaning words coming out of this strangers mouth in the first minute we met. Did she think she was talking to a nerd? I wanted to respond, but did not, "Compassion for me? not at all, it is you who needs the compassion. I know him well."

He left me for her; a woman with little sex appeal,with no social grace, the opposite of charming. He made sure that she met me for his own selfish reasons. From what I can see she has taken my free spirited friend and is molding him. She dressed him exactly as she was, conservative, even at his own big birthday party. When we were an item, he was flamboyant, exciting, free spirited, fun loving. She probably hopes he will become her prissy self. I saw no spark in him; he was quiet and looked lonely. He was even too frightened to give me a hug when I walked in the door and then avoided me all evening; I guess he knew she would be hawking. She proceeded to tell me about her self and their life in all of two minutes, how close they are, the things they are doing together. Who asked her? I wonder if he feels the same towards her and if their life is as big as she makes it out to be. I did not respect that woman. I could see how she tried to manipulate me by flattering my looks, all the time letting me know, "You poor dear, he is all mine now, back off." She could never make me back off unless if I wanted to. Just two weeks before, he wanted us to get together again.

The point of the story is this. Always be kind to the other woman. I made my mistake many years ago by acting nasty to a woman my boyfriend liked. He found it appalling and went with her based on my actions.

This woman has her own way of being nasty or better yet mean; it was unnecessary for her to tell me her story. How utterly annoying she was. I wish her well; she has a big challenge, but if I were him, I would run for my life and her clutches.


Carol Sue Gershman

THE LONELY EMPTY BED

We women do not get over our loves easily. It sometimes takes years. Even if we are not deeply in love, we still have difficulty moving on. Some of us forgive and think we are free from the pain, but we are not. We may date or even have a short affair but the one we loved remains in our heart sometimes for an endless amount of time.

What gets me is how different we are from men! Yes, of course, they might feel sad over a break up, yet they have absolutely no trouble finding some one new immediately and putting their passion into the next one. It kills me that we are so different, Unquestionably there are women who can just brush it off, but for the most part we tender ones with big hearts hold the ex near and dear.

I found myself getting together with an old girlfriend of his. It was quite healing to hear some of the same stories, same patterns, even though the relationship was different. I learned allot hearing the similarities and reasons why it did not work out for either of us. It is a good thing to be friends with an ex girlfriend. As a matter of fact, I just thought of something. What about getting the ex's name from your potential lover upon meeting him, not to used until needed. When a crisis hits in the relationship, we can just dial that number and start talking. I am sure it would be helpful to the ex as well; almost like a safe deposit box, hidden away. We would learn from her and what she went through, after all it is the same man.

I could not help but notice the lonely empty bed once filled with love and passion in her apartment that was once theirs. It is not any different from mine, but seeing some one else' s loneliness saddened me.

Of course this chapter has been written countless times and we do heal and we do move on and usually it is for someone or something better. But if only we could make that day come faster.

Peeling away the layers of thoughts

Am I a bore? Would I just like to stay home and water my plants and watch television and run to the refrigerator in between? Maybe I would be the happiest ever, if I did not have thoughts, thoughts to do other things. It is my thoughts that drive me in directions that sometimes are unreasonable. Thoughts about ex boyfriends, if I did not say this or I did not say that. Just imagine how much time those thoughts take when I could be watching T. V. O. K a book is good too. But then there are the positive thoughts, to meet a friend, what to wear, where to go, expressing my self. Would I be talking more about me? Will I listen more? Where to go next summer, what about my bank account , my work, my writings. thoughts thoughts thoughts. They say we are our thoughts, then they say, we are not our thoughts. We are our essence; all so confusing when all I really want to do is water my plants and watch television. carol sue gershman

How great it is that I wrote a book

A new friend said to me the other night. "How great it is that you wrote a book. Just knowing that you wrote a complete book is quite enough of an achievement." "Well, possibly for others, but not for me," I responded. I am working with an editor, making corrections, and then I will begin to heavily market the book. I will begin to sell it on line, I will try to have as many book tours, local, regional, national as I possibly can, I will have home parties, I will speak, I will go to toastmasters and learn how to speak better. I will buy clothes and hats to go along with my tours. I will try to get on Oprah and if not Oprah, (not that I think Oprah will not want me) but later maybe Donny Deutch, or maybe the Today show, radio shows, I will send thousands of e mails, I will link my address book to my blogs and then I will hurry over to Hollywood to find a screen writer and not until my book has been read by millions and I go to my own film premier, will I ever consider my book or my self to be an achievement." "Oh, wow, he said, maybe I should not have mentioned it. " "Not at all, you have just given me my marketing plan." Carol Sue Gershman

my book; my spelling, my grammar

The story has not changed of course. It is still hot, exciting, sensuous and sexual, but I learned through my readers that I did not know how to spell or punctuate. Interestingly enough, many who have read my book found a few errors but nothing terrible. Others who read the book found my grammar appalling, almost an embaressment, Like anything else, some of us are more educated than others or at least more observant. So I hired an editor. I heard a writer is only as good as their editor. I love my book, I know it is going to be a best seller. Juicy is juicy and it is honest. I tell the truth and do you know what else I have learned? After disclosing my self, people like me all the same; they like me for who I am. That is the greatest gift I have received so far from my writings. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have learned, we walk around shielding ourselves thinking best not to say this or say that and when it is said, they say, "oh really?" Nobody really cares. How many times have you noticed the same?

Chinese.....Jewish

Mah Jongg is the greatest game. Seems that it is the jewish ladies who have adapted this game from the Chinese. Are our tastes so similar I questioned? What jewish person does not like chinese food? Surely we don't look the same but when it comes to their food and their game we are spiritually connected. Any lady who plays Mah Jongg knows that it is the greatest game ever; it is addicting, highly motivating and is sure to dismiss any problems when we are at the Mah Jongg table. I played thiry five years ago when I was in my early thirties; the greatest divirsion from taking care of the kids all day. My husband knew on those nights he had to be home to baby sit. I would put the kids to bed and run to the hosts house. We would play until eleven-thirty and when I finally hit the bed, I would toss and turn as my mind was stimulated and it was impossible to fall asleep. It was the 60's. We smoked endless ciggaretes and ate every kind of Hershey's chocolate that they created. My husband could never understand why Mah Jongg. meant more to me, than staying home with him. It was our salvation; we all loved it equally. After a ten year run; and after I seperated from my husband (having nothing to do with the game, I do not think) I stopped playing. Dating began to play a major role in my life, a greater diversion. it has been 35 years since the thought hit me again to play. Life does goes in circles. It was not easy to find a game, once again only the Jewish Ladies play, but I am back into it without the cigarettes, without the chocolate looking forward to each and every Monday. Now we play in the afternoons, we serve fruit or nuts, sometimes someone bakes something special or one of us serves a divine lunch. We laugh, we concentrate, we amuse ourselves by playing and oh yes, definitely just like then, we play for money. The stakes in 35 years have nto kept up with inflation, nobody is out to make a killing, we just want to be some what compensated when we call out"mahjongg." Now I am escaping from my single life... Hey nothing is perfect. Off to the Chinese Restaurant now.

California bound

 I  spotted him at the airport when I was on my way to California A man in his mid to late sixties but in good appealing shape. He wore jeans, a turtleneck and a suede jacket, white socks and brown loafers. He carried himself well. He was not handsome in the true sense of the word, but striking. He was on line during check in. Later I saw him exiting the check in and lost sight of his destination. Boarding the  plane, in a distance,  I saw that he was on my flight. I found it interesting that from all of the planes and places in the world,  he would be going to my destination. I wondered where he would be sitting and hoped that I would be surprised in finding him seated in my row.  As I walked down the aisle, to my 20th seat row, I had not yet passed him. As fate would have it there he was in the window seat as I took my aisle seat, with only a nine year old to seperate us. I immediately said hello. and asked if the boy was his grandchild. He was not, just placed there by his parents who sat in a different row.  As the conversation flowed I learned that he was a married man which brought any farther contact from me  to an abrupt halt. Because our earlier conversation was bubbly from my end, I could see that he was becoming attracted to me. The message here is that fate brought me to him;  I was able to find out who he was without thinking I might have missed an opportunity as we so often do. Without any reservations I said goodbye to my flirtation and landed in California into the arms of my granddaughter. 

Younger Men

Since I am once again single with no attachments, mind, body, spirit, I decided to go on line and look for a new love. I wanted someone older, not a young guy, so I set my age limits between 55 and 70. Lots of them out there, but let me face me, it is the young guy who I find so desirable. Yes, I know it will not last, but the two older men involvements I have had in the last 5 years did not last either. So, unless I turn my head around and look for someone to take me around the world on a yacht, most likely a 80 year old, I might as well drop my age limit to 32 and have some fun...