NEUROTIC WOMEN

As we age, live alone, my findings show that women grow more and more neurotic through the years. In particular, this shows up in older single women who have either been divorced or without a lover for many years. These women want it their way, they live selfishly and that is why they are alone. I for one have been attracted to these neurotic women as friends, difficult women who see it no other way but theirs. They say like attracts like and I readily admit that I might have the same problem. But, where I stand out is that I recognize myself and possess a big heart. I am not out for anyone's husband, boyfriend or potential mate. In fact I go in the other direction. I am not jealous and do not have to protect my man at all costs. In particular women who are not pretty have to use something other than their looks to get their man. Oh well, I guess I have a few gripes these days with girlfriends who are disappointing and mean. This too shall pass. What about you, how is your best friend doing these days?

THE NEW WOMAN HAS GREAT COMPASSION FOR ME

"I have great compassion for you," she said. "After all you must have had feelings for him." I could not believe those demeaning words coming out of this strangers mouth in the first minute we met. Did she think she was talking to a nerd? I wanted to respond, but did not, "Compassion for me? not at all, it is you who needs the compassion. I know him well."

He left me for her; a woman with little sex appeal,with no social grace, the opposite of charming. He made sure that she met me for his own selfish reasons. From what I can see she has taken my free spirited friend and is molding him. She dressed him exactly as she was, conservative, even at his own big birthday party. When we were an item, he was flamboyant, exciting, free spirited, fun loving. She probably hopes he will become her prissy self. I saw no spark in him; he was quiet and looked lonely. He was even too frightened to give me a hug when I walked in the door and then avoided me all evening; I guess he knew she would be hawking. She proceeded to tell me about her self and their life in all of two minutes, how close they are, the things they are doing together. Who asked her? I wonder if he feels the same towards her and if their life is as big as she makes it out to be. I did not respect that woman. I could see how she tried to manipulate me by flattering my looks, all the time letting me know, "You poor dear, he is all mine now, back off." She could never make me back off unless if I wanted to. Just two weeks before, he wanted us to get together again.

The point of the story is this. Always be kind to the other woman. I made my mistake many years ago by acting nasty to a woman my boyfriend liked. He found it appalling and went with her based on my actions.

This woman has her own way of being nasty or better yet mean; it was unnecessary for her to tell me her story. How utterly annoying she was. I wish her well; she has a big challenge, but if I were him, I would run for my life and her clutches.


Carol Sue Gershman

THE LONELY EMPTY BED

We women do not get over our loves easily. It sometimes takes years. Even if we are not deeply in love, we still have difficulty moving on. Some of us forgive and think we are free from the pain, but we are not. We may date or even have a short affair but the one we loved remains in our heart sometimes for an endless amount of time.

What gets me is how different we are from men! Yes, of course, they might feel sad over a break up, yet they have absolutely no trouble finding some one new immediately and putting their passion into the next one. It kills me that we are so different, Unquestionably there are women who can just brush it off, but for the most part we tender ones with big hearts hold the ex near and dear.

I found myself getting together with an old girlfriend of his. It was quite healing to hear some of the same stories, same patterns, even though the relationship was different. I learned allot hearing the similarities and reasons why it did not work out for either of us. It is a good thing to be friends with an ex girlfriend. As a matter of fact, I just thought of something. What about getting the ex's name from your potential lover upon meeting him, not to used until needed. When a crisis hits in the relationship, we can just dial that number and start talking. I am sure it would be helpful to the ex as well; almost like a safe deposit box, hidden away. We would learn from her and what she went through, after all it is the same man.

I could not help but notice the lonely empty bed once filled with love and passion in her apartment that was once theirs. It is not any different from mine, but seeing some one else' s loneliness saddened me.

Of course this chapter has been written countless times and we do heal and we do move on and usually it is for someone or something better. But if only we could make that day come faster.

Peeling away the layers of thoughts

Am I a bore? Would I just like to stay home and water my plants and watch television and run to the refrigerator in between? Maybe I would be the happiest ever, if I did not have thoughts, thoughts to do other things. It is my thoughts that drive me in directions that sometimes are unreasonable. Thoughts about ex boyfriends, if I did not say this or I did not say that. Just imagine how much time those thoughts take when I could be watching T. V. O. K a book is good too. But then there are the positive thoughts, to meet a friend, what to wear, where to go, expressing my self. Would I be talking more about me? Will I listen more? Where to go next summer, what about my bank account , my work, my writings. thoughts thoughts thoughts. They say we are our thoughts, then they say, we are not our thoughts. We are our essence; all so confusing when all I really want to do is water my plants and watch television. carol sue gershman

How great it is that I wrote a book

A new friend said to me the other night. "How great it is that you wrote a book. Just knowing that you wrote a complete book is quite enough of an achievement." "Well, possibly for others, but not for me," I responded. I am working with an editor, making corrections, and then I will begin to heavily market the book. I will begin to sell it on line, I will try to have as many book tours, local, regional, national as I possibly can, I will have home parties, I will speak, I will go to toastmasters and learn how to speak better. I will buy clothes and hats to go along with my tours. I will try to get on Oprah and if not Oprah, (not that I think Oprah will not want me) but later maybe Donny Deutch, or maybe the Today show, radio shows, I will send thousands of e mails, I will link my address book to my blogs and then I will hurry over to Hollywood to find a screen writer and not until my book has been read by millions and I go to my own film premier, will I ever consider my book or my self to be an achievement." "Oh, wow, he said, maybe I should not have mentioned it. " "Not at all, you have just given me my marketing plan." Carol Sue Gershman

my book; my spelling, my grammar

The story has not changed of course. It is still hot, exciting, sensuous and sexual, but I learned through my readers that I did not know how to spell or punctuate. Interestingly enough, many who have read my book found a few errors but nothing terrible. Others who read the book found my grammar appalling, almost an embaressment, Like anything else, some of us are more educated than others or at least more observant. So I hired an editor. I heard a writer is only as good as their editor. I love my book, I know it is going to be a best seller. Juicy is juicy and it is honest. I tell the truth and do you know what else I have learned? After disclosing my self, people like me all the same; they like me for who I am. That is the greatest gift I have received so far from my writings. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have learned, we walk around shielding ourselves thinking best not to say this or say that and when it is said, they say, "oh really?" Nobody really cares. How many times have you noticed the same?

Chinese.....Jewish

Mah Jongg is the greatest game. Seems that it is the jewish ladies who have adapted this game from the Chinese. Are our tastes so similar I questioned? What jewish person does not like chinese food? Surely we don't look the same but when it comes to their food and their game we are spiritually connected. Any lady who plays Mah Jongg knows that it is the greatest game ever; it is addicting, highly motivating and is sure to dismiss any problems when we are at the Mah Jongg table. I played thiry five years ago when I was in my early thirties; the greatest divirsion from taking care of the kids all day. My husband knew on those nights he had to be home to baby sit. I would put the kids to bed and run to the hosts house. We would play until eleven-thirty and when I finally hit the bed, I would toss and turn as my mind was stimulated and it was impossible to fall asleep. It was the 60's. We smoked endless ciggaretes and ate every kind of Hershey's chocolate that they created. My husband could never understand why Mah Jongg. meant more to me, than staying home with him. It was our salvation; we all loved it equally. After a ten year run; and after I seperated from my husband (having nothing to do with the game, I do not think) I stopped playing. Dating began to play a major role in my life, a greater diversion. it has been 35 years since the thought hit me again to play. Life does goes in circles. It was not easy to find a game, once again only the Jewish Ladies play, but I am back into it without the cigarettes, without the chocolate looking forward to each and every Monday. Now we play in the afternoons, we serve fruit or nuts, sometimes someone bakes something special or one of us serves a divine lunch. We laugh, we concentrate, we amuse ourselves by playing and oh yes, definitely just like then, we play for money. The stakes in 35 years have nto kept up with inflation, nobody is out to make a killing, we just want to be some what compensated when we call out"mahjongg." Now I am escaping from my single life... Hey nothing is perfect. Off to the Chinese Restaurant now.