How is your year ending?

I would like to say that from a non-entity year it is finishing up great..... I think that is what counts. It all seems to have come together, like they say out with the old and in with the new. No more burdens, nothing to figure out, it is all here to take and grab on to and make what I want out of it. It does not have to be specifically anything that has kept me imprisoned. Just something that has weighed me down that I came to terms with. Daydreaming and fantasizing is one of my blessings or should I say faults. Oh I can imagine anything and change it and blow it up or bring it down with negativity or fantasy. I am here now in the moment and the moment is good; new friends, my book taking off, my horrific neighbor who turned himself in by showing his true colors and finally the management seeing the truth, a worry with my sister who had to have tests and came out perfect, friends I have let go of only to discover so many new ones and realizing the fact I can have as many friends as I want to have if time allows. My book has opened up doors for me like I have never seen. When I go to a cocktail party now, I introduce myself as an author and ask if they have heard about my book. People are open and like to listen especially because I keep the introduction on a high note. What I am saying is I am no longer shy;I can meet as many new people as I care to, something I found difficult before. My kids and grand kids are well. My son sent me a generous over the top gift certificate to a spa just because I had a birthday. My ex husband can no longer help me monetarily and felt awkward about it, so I thanked him for all of his years of support and told him I understand. I wish him a good life with no burdens either. Knowing him he will hit it big again and you can be sure he will share. While my old love did not work out, I was able to tell him how special he is; no holding back. Tonight, New Years, I have a great guy to go out with and we know we are going to have a wonderful time. My parents long gone are resting in peace and I love them so much, but I can see how we can let go of our parents. My brother in law has problems and they are big ones. My brother has resolved his.
Last years New years Party was a sad time for me, my spirit was low and I felt lonely. Here I am one year older and I am bouncing. Age means nothing, even at my age.
Happy New Year to all
Carol Sue Gershman

i am finally free

I have freed myself finally by not holding back emotions in fear of being rejected. If I like someone male or female if they are special to me I will let them know it! I am tired of not being up front about my emotional life. I want everyone to know that I love them if I feel that way. It has been a hard thing for me to express, always acting to cover up what I am feeling; like a princess or a queen who has to be looked up. I am not sure if I really know how to love someone or to accept love. This is an amazing Xmas gift I have just given to myself. If the other person does not accept it, that is perfectly fine. I am free!
Merry Xmas 2008
Carol Sue Gershman

I am FREE

I am free because I have not held back. I am playing it straight and can no longer hide any emotion because I am fearful of the reaction. I will flow now as I have always wanted to do but did not know how in fear of rejection. I no longer care about rejection, I only care that I get out my feelings to who ever it is and if they do not like it, need it or want it, well that is o. k. by me. Who knows how much longer any of us have to be connected and if someone is a reward to me in my life, male or female they are going to know it.
Merry Xmas 08..... The year is ending wonderully.
Carol Sue Gershman

On the Radio

I had a blast this morning on the radio. A local show. I laughed my head off talking about my book, but truthfully I did not sell any books. While my book is about a black man and a jewish lady, it really is not about that at all. It is about two great souls that meet on this planet and have uncontrollable passion for one another. It is not even about the road trip, it is just about the time we spent with one another. It is more about what I learned from him and how I changed my views about race and sex and how my driving passion and obsession led me to write my memoir. More later about this.
Carol Sue Gershman

Mish i gosh

I guess we cannnot go backwards or try to salvage love. Once it is over I guess we have to accept that it is. Because of my obsessive personality, I never believe anything is over and the more it is over, the more obsessed I get! Can anyone relate to this mish i gosh? If you do, I would like to hear.
So I met my old lover in N. Y. We were both extremely happy to see one another, especially me, but him too. I got repeated messages from him that same evening to see him but I was already asleep when they came in. He asked me out for the next night but there was an important class I wanted to take and thought a couple of days would not matter. You see as soon as he came around, my independence kicked in. So when a couple of days came around and I thought we would meet, he was busy with a new event in his life. On my final day in N. Y. I had already moved to another location and did not quite feel like running back up town. My dream was to meet him for a romantic dinner. But he was busy at dinner time and would be available after 9. Too late for me I said, so he did not call back.
So after our initial excitement, it kind of died as I was not there for him and he was not there for me. But I left him a gift for the new event in his life and e mailed him to pick it up and that I was sorry we did not catch one another. He never went to pick it up. I sent him a reminder. Go get it now! But not him. The gift sits, I sit, he sits?
Carol Sue Gershman

How can I sell my apartment?

Not only is the market tight but it makes the brokers nasty and un-feeling. Overpriced they say, No thank you, not interested.
This was the same apartment they begged for a year ago. How can one ever figure it out? But that makes me immobile as I do want to move. I have been thinking it but now I am saying it, "Get me out of here" Why? Many reasons. I need a change. I have been in wonderful South Beach for 15 years and now I think it is time to return home. So I will lower the price, but I don't think that is what it is. People are simply not buying or moving now; surely why it must be I want to. I am way ahead of everyone, then again maybe I am way behind; reality has never been my favorite thing.
carol Sue Gershman

woop e doo

The word just came to me because I feel happy. I rented my apt. for two weeks and took off on a free vacation. first stop N. Y. C. where life is brilliantly exciting! I walked out of my building and there was life streaming past me. I did not have to go looking for it. My area is the LIncoln Center area and for me it is the best of N. Y. It has all of the excitement I need and yet there is the peace and sanity of the park and wider, more open streets than I find down town. I saw South Pacific. i know everyone raved and the music is brilliant but there was no comparison to the passion and intensity I felt when I saw Phantom of the Opera the next night. Yes, I saw it 20 years ago, but maybe I was different because back then, I do not remember shaking and teary eyed. It is amazing. I got $27.00 seats all the way back up in the rear balcony but there we could see the stage effects coming right towards us, that chandelier, that phantom, the music; rave, rave, rave.
Then there was the lavish Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters, working for my daughter at the Union Square Xmas booth with a surprise visit that knocked me off of my feet from Xavier, you know him from my book. Wow. I sure do adore that man!
But thats not all; when I returned back to South Beach I stayed in a hotel for 3 nights and ran all over the place, Art Basiling.
Yes, it is all they said it was, parties and art tents all over South Beach and Miami Design District. Did a naughty by crashing a big party. Why not? Did not even eat or drink. Simply was not hungry.
Carol Sue Gershman